The American School of Apathy
THE INSTITUTE OF INTERDISCIPLINARY INDIFFERENCE
As you know, the American School of Apathy is a unique educational institution dedicated to the proposition that knowledge is not only boring, but downright dangerous.
I mean, do you really want to know whatâ€™s going on in the world? Of course not! Itâ€™ll only get you confused, depressed and probably in a lot of expensive trouble.
Thus, when it comes to the truth, justice and the American Way, weâ€™re about as indifferent as the next guy. And proud of it.
Nevertheless, in the pursuit of intellectual unconsciousness, we do have a responsibility to present all sides of an issue, regardless of inance. Inspid or ridiculous it may seem. How else are you going to know which issues toignor and which cause to belittle?
The Other Side of Equal Rights
Iâ€™m sure youâ€™re well aware of the Moral Majorityâ€™s campaign to instill a little â€˜old time religionâ€™ into our institutes of higher learning. Well, weâ€™re all for it. Our policy has always been to ignore both sides of every issue with equal indifference. We think itâ€™s only fair to pursue â€˜equal wrongsâ€™ with the same lack of intensity shown toward â€˜equal rightsâ€™. The present on-going debate over Creationism vs Evolution is a case in point.
For years, we have taught our students to disregard some of the most complex and ingenious scientific theories ever devisd by man. Our â€œAccelerated Ignoranceâ€ courses have enable young men and women to dismiss the combined thought of such thinkers as Einstein, Darwin, Newton and Freud without batting an eyelash.
And now our religious brethren are demanding equal time.
So who are we to argue? Do you think we care? Our student body is as disinterested in theology as it is in geology. They care as little about the sacred as they do the profane. Theyâ€™re equally adept at forgetting the words to the Lordâ€™s Prayer as they are the Pledge of Allegiance. When it comes to the pressing issues of todayâ€™s highly complex and extremely disturbing world, be they ethical, scientific, political or theological, our students can only respond with the famous French saying â€œviva lâ€™indifference!â€
Thus, I invite you to check out the programs being offered by our new Institute of Interdisciiplinary Indifference. Or, if you prefer, donâ€™t. I really donâ€™t care because Iâ€™m missing a hot bingo game right now and all this tedious letter writing is cramping my style.
Boleslav Marquardt (Bolly)
Of the American School of Apathy
P.S. If thereâ€™s a subject you would like to know less about, a course youâ€™d like to skip or a program youâ€™d like to overlook, please drop me a line. If I have nothing better to do Iâ€™ll take it up with our Board of Misdirectors as soon as they return from there endless leaves of absence.