Auld Clootie at OSCO DRUG, INC.

I circulated this memo somewhere around 1976  in the offices of Osco Drug, Inc.


Executive Offices 1818 Swift Drive, Oak Brook, Illinois 6052 Area Code 312

After 9 months of intensive investigation the Osco security force has finally pinpointed the evil demon who has been behind all the weird happenings in the Advertising Department for the last year and a half. Auld Clootie, also known as Joly Old Saint Luke and Loki the Rumor Monger, was grilled for 12 consecutive hours in the basement interview room at the Corporate Headquarters at O’Hare Plaze.

Clootie, as he prefers to be called this month, confessed to an incredible number of invidious crimes including, starting terrible rumors about staff members, instigating petty hatreds and childish tiffs between otherwise innocent, angelic personnal, altering layouts and copy so that it includes obvious stupid errors and omissions, and a varied and rich assortment of other disruptive and debilitating actions, all geared toward destroying the wonderful harmony that exists between Advertising Department personnel.

Clootie smiled as he took the entire blame for all the mysterious incidents of the last year. Claiming to have a friend ‘upstairs’(interviewers failed to determine just how far upstairs this meant) Clootie showed little concern for the trouble he had wrought. „I’ve got a good crew to work with. They’re very obliging and some of them learn real quick. I hardly have to prod them on, just a little nudge and they do all the rest themselves.”

A Committee was formed to choose members for the Corrective Council which would vote on what measures if any should be taken when and if the Security Group decides who should be in charge. In an amusing show of good humor, Clootie volunteered to chair the committee. Members agreed to take it under consideration.