The American School of Apathy


The False Gods and Pagan Idols Lecture Series

Sponsored by the Institute of Interdisciplinary Indifference

PART 1 – Creation of the World Seminar

WHEN: Whenever

WHERE: Everywhere

TUITION: 2 hours of credibility and blind faith, bordering on acute naivete.

DESCRIPTION: The Evolutionists had their say; now it’s time for the other side. In this unique seminar the movers and shakers of the world’s cosmology talk about the world they’ve created and discuss whether it’s time to end it. Chek out this line-up of Holy heavy hitters.

Ymir – Germanic Giant and author and begetter of the human race.

Ometecuhtli & Omeciuatl – Lord and Lady of Aztec creation.

Purusha – double-sexed Vedic demiurge and practiced autoeroticist.

Liktenis – a Baltic Father of Fate and scriptwriter for destiny.

Jah – Rastafarian deity, Being of All Beings and originator of reggae music.

Pan-Ku – Taoist lead-off man and creator of Yin Yang.

Brahma – legendary Hindu vowel, vibrating outward through nothingness.

Izanag & Izanami – twin Japanese deities responsible for sushi and everything.

Hurakan – Mayan Master of Invention.

Uranus & Gaea – Father Sky and Mother Earth of ancient Greece.

Ptah – Egyptian molder, creator, father and all-round heavenly handyman.

Wakantaka – Great Sioux Spirit and rainbow maker.

Tiamat & Marduk – Mesopotamian S&M act that gave their bodies for life.

Atum – hairy palmed soloist and Egyptian procreator of Everything.

PART II – The Dialectics of Divinity

Where’s the best place to get needed info about stallion’s teeth? Straight from the horse’s mouth, right? Well, if you want to learn about the nuts and bolts of life, it only makes sense that you turn to the cosmic toolmakers. If all your puzzling questions about life and death and everything in between were always answered with the same old line, “ God only knows” now’s your chance to find out which of them really does.

Here’s the semester’s lordy line-up:

Dionysius, Pagan God of Thrace midnight, during full moon

For advanced exuberants only. Comprehensive course moves quickly through Mindless Revelry, Uncontrollable Ecstacy and Mystic Delirium, concluding with an often fatal, but nevertheless thoroughly enjoyable final exam.

Soma, Hindu Lord of Liquor weekdays, during happy hour

Seek beautitude with the greatest bartender this side of Nirvana. (B.Y.O.B.)

Huitzilopochtli, Aztec God of War break of dawn on clear days

Learn the tricks of the war trade from the name that struck fear in the hearts and tongues of Aztec enemies everywhere.

Aphrodiite, Greek Goddess of Love weekends, motel to be announced

A popular course for aspiring  parents, gigolos and erstwhile streetwalkers, with special emphasis on the 5 powerful enjoyments of the Tantric Tradition: Fish, Meat, Cereal, Wine and Sex. (And how to use them all at once.)


All registrants to the Dialectics of Divinity Courses will receive free tickets to the Galaxy Premier of the film:




Bo Derek as PANDORA

Dustin Hoffman as EPIMETHEUS, PROMETHUS’s brother.

Meryl Streep as MINERVA

Robin Williams as CHASE, the confused and shapeless mass.

John Houseman as ZEUS

And special guests, George Burns and Bete Midler, as GOD and NATURE.